Monday Question: Outer Limits Edition

(When you look at this picture, imagine a Vertigo-style "contra-zoom" effect where the peripheral world seems to rush toward you as you look down the path.)

Sunday was a nice, relaxing day. I brought Rus the grande americano he forgot and “helped” him in the sound booth (i.e. I got to read the equipment manuals whenever I lost interest in the sermon… is that bad?)

Andrea and Kim were over for lunch, which was brought to a dénouement by some Pumpkin Pie with Grandma’s specially modified vanilla ice cream.

This is where things get a little bit tense:

Kim hates Pumpkin Pie, but Andrea (who is from Romania) had never even tried it before. She liked it, so equilibrium is close to being restored. (My other friend from the GVA, Ryan, doesn’t like any form of pie, so I’m not sure that we’ll ever find real harmony in this world.)

Here’s a picture of my sister Naomi, Andrea, and Kim, and another with Andrea, Naomi and Blessing.

The afternoon passes quietly, though it seemed that none of the girls were especially interested in being in any of the photographs I was taking. I really wanted to finish the roll so that I can get those pics of Mr. Owl, so I persisted. (Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve used the SLR and I’m falling in love with the telephoto lens again.)

[Now’s the part where the soundtrack starts to sound more mysterious.]

I stopped into Safeway after dropping Kim off. I was craving sweet, dairy-infused coffee, so I needed to buy a can of whipped cream. (Thanks a lot, Rus. Tea never did this to me.)

I walked disheartened from the soft-drink aisle; they were out of ginger beer, and it was on sale, too.

I skipped the meats, having consumed my monthly ration of bacon last week.

Then, as I drew near to the sound of industrial freezers and the bright white light of the dairy section, I caught a glimpse of a familiar face out of the corner of my eye.

There was Eggnog in the dairy case.

Milk of Chicken!


Egg 'n grog!!!

Noggy nog nog nog,nogger noggin noggie!

I grabbed the freshest 1l ‘nog and the last can of real whipped cream, hastily making my way past the cheese aisle (my arms already loaded with saturated milk fat…) and heading for the checkout.

[Cue ominous music]

Cashier: how has your day been… [as she swipes the club card] Mr. Jackson?

Me: Actually, it’s a little bit strange finding this eggnog, seeing that it’s only just October.

Cashier: I guess that is a little bit strange. Sort of the wrong time of year, isn’t it?

Me: Don’t get me wrong: It’s weird, but I’m happier than a bowl of noodles! I’ll take eggnog any time I can get it! [said with big, dumb, happy-man grin.]

Cashier: Well, I’ve never tried eggnog so I’ll take your word for it.

Me: …? Never???

Cashier: Nope, haven’t had eggnog or Pumpkin Pie. [Emphasis mine.]

Me: [look of shock and awe] That’s horrible! You’ve been withheld the crowning achievements of Western civilization! [Pushing buttons on debit machine] Then again, you’re the second person I’ve talked to today who hadn’t had Pumpkin Pie. But she was from Romania…

Cashier: Actually, I’m from Romania too.

Me: [double take] Really? [Checking her nametag as I take the receipts, it says "Oana," which I've confirmed as a Romanian name.] Well… have a good night!
Cashier/Oana: Have a good evening Mr. Jackson.

Thus, the question for this week is:

Free polls from
How does the episode end?
(Culinary Macedonian Call.) (Who needs a Latte?) (Heart attack in a carton!)

(Culinary Macedonian Call.) You should give up on English Lit. and become a missionary to Romania, bringing them (especially their young women) the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Eggnog, and Pumpkin Pie. (In that order.)

(Who needs a Latte?) That whipped cream will go nicely with the eggnog, you know. You should go to the fridge when you get home and sneak some leftover pie to go with it!

(Heart attack in a carton!) Liquid eggs with cream, fake bourbon, and nutmeg? Eyech! You should run away in disgust.

What does your decision say about you?

(Culinary Macedonian Call)
You are a mystical sort of person, seeing the hidden meaning in the strange events of your life. Relationships are sometimes stretched because "you're on another planet!", but people enjoy listening to your stories and following you down rabbit-holes.

(Who needs a Latte?)
You are pragmatic and efficient, always thinking with your stomach. Your loved ones will often complain that you seem emotionally disconnected, but will stick around because you are dedicated and trustworthy.

(Heart attack in a carton!)
You don't like Eggnog? What's wrong with you!?
On the plus side, your heart will be in much better shape than mine.

1 comment:

Rus said...

I think that since you gave voice to the question is it bad to read sound manuals, when the sermon is boring? Suggests that at some core level you know the answer; it is 'yes'!

Your Macedonian call ending is the only relational option. The other choices are simply self-serving and ultimately lead down a dark path.