And on the seventh day, he got his hands dirty.

I've always had trouble figuring out why people like to work around the house on the weekend.
It just doesn't make any sense, spending all of that quality napping time out in the garden ripping dandelion roots out of the ground. We work hard all week so that we can have a more enjoyable life during our time at home, and then we're expected to spend that time working? Nuts to that.

However, my argument from ethical principle does have a flaw, in that if taken to the extreme this dedication to relaxation can lead to a state of disarray in the environment surrounding one's house.


This is after clearing away all of the large and overgrown thistles and things.
I am now faced with a dilemma. First, I must restore this space to an orderly state: uprooting the remaining vegetation and re-leveling the brick surface. However, this will require an extensive amount of work on my part; what's more, this work must be continued throughout the summer if the state of my patio is to be maintained. As I am planning to be away from home for at least three weeks this summer, the return on this investment seems to be diminishing all the time, compounded by the fact that nobody really ever sees my patio anyway...


So, I resolved to restore my patio in the most efficient way possible. I'll get rid of all the weeds, restore the sinking bricks and steps, and put in some red shale around the large rocks in an effort to ward off further invasion of weeds and the like.
Step one: clearing the vegetation.
Step two: realizing that vegetation is more difficult to clear out of the cracks between paving bricks than one might expect:

Step three: find a way to do the work more quickly.
Fire!

It never ceases to amaze me how many of life's problems can be solved with the judicious application of gasoline and matches.

At this point, my 'blog post should be getting to a surprising level of fear-inducing tension, what with the possibilities of life-threatening danger and slapstick injury, but alas I'm one of those cautious redneck pyromaniac landscapers, and I didn't do anything more idiotic than leaving a window open and letting some smoke into the cabin.
In fact, the extent of the inferno was altogether one of the most disappointing things I've seen in a long time.

There is an ironic twist to be had. After clearing away what little grass actually burned, I discovered a larger problem: there's a lot more brick here than I thought there was. My uncle, who put in these bricks almost a decade ago, made some kind of ramp. (I think it's a ramp. I'm not sure exactly why one needs a ramp going to a lawn, but my family has never been known to couple practicality with logic...)

Step four: I'm going to need more fuel.

I sat down to reflect on the day's accomplishments:


And he rested, and it was good.

It was also at this moment that I realized that the mosquitoes have returned.
That's entirely too much work for one Sunday after-nap, and entirely too much information for a 'blog post.
We'll see if I can keep it up.
[Step five: *waugh!*]

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fire! he he he...

RB said...

Hey
Thats awesome!! Way to use fire as a constructive method of landscaping. Glad your Sunday was somewhat constructive.

Anonymous said...

Irene (with a capital 'I') said. . .
Cool, burning off the grass. Hey, I've got another idea that might work better than fire. . . though slightly less fun for a pyro. . . Roundup! Works great, to kill all the living little plants :) Though now that they don't have much leaf left to soak up the roundup, that may be problematic, but after three weeks away, there should be enough growth.

Anonymous said...

Daniel (with a capital D) said...
Yes, Roundup is quite effective at killing the little buggers, but they're still left in the cracks.

A combination of roundup+fire will undoubtedly be the next level of escalation in this unending conflict...)