The Tool for the Job

I've learned two things about farming this week:
The preferred method of locking threads on various structural fasteners of an air-seeder is to over-tighten the nut and then wait for it to rust into place. This is referred to as "farmer's locktite."

The preferred method of removing said fasteners is a two step process:
The first step is difficult to describe, and even more difficult to comprehend. I'm still not entirely convinced that this step is necessary for the process of removing the fastener, but I'm not really in a place to challenge the authority of an old farm-hand. One must begin by fitting the longest wrench in the toolbox to the fastener, then proceed to lean on it for a few seconds. This is known as "warming it up." After a sufficient amount of warming, one must kick at the wrench handle wildly. This is better known as "leverage."

Once one has succeeded in stubbing his toe, falling over backward, or otherwise injuring himself through the process of "leverage," one should wheel out the acetylene cutting torch and burn through the offending bolt. Once the bolt is bisected in this way, one should hit it with a large hammer until the pieces have become separate. (The resulting grass fire should be dealt with expeditiously.)

To the uninitiated, these procedures might seem extravagant and unnecessarily destructive, but one should not make hasty attempts to correct a farm hand on his methods; such efforts are often breed contempt and serve only to obstruct the natural cycles of farm maintenance.

Now, if only I could find a farm-appropriate method for convincing Llamas to return to the pasture after an escape...

2 comments:

naomi said...

Wow I love your description - I could picture each step in vivid detail. It's been a long time since I've laughed until the tears fell!
Ah, I miss the red-neck ways of rural Alberta...

Anonymous said...

Ah the joys of farm life. Though I have to say I was never aware of those intricate details. Maybe it's different for more recently immigrant families. Hmm I wonder if different nationality backgrounds lend to different commonly accepted practices. . . .