Nurses

I like nurses as much as the next guy. Maybe more. I have quite a few friends who are nurses. (One of them is even a male nurse! Hi Reuben!)

But I swear, I do not fake dizziness and green skin just so I can get female attention.

I went to get my Mumps/Rubella/Measles shot tonight, along with around a thousand other students. After walking across the entire University campus (from the Humanities building to Lister Hall) in the freezing cold and then standing in line for half an hour with a heavy bookbag in one hand and a winter coat on my back, I was starting to get tired.
Then, I read the folder they gave me--the one about possible side-effects.
Like Encephalitis.
I don't care if it's a one-in-two-million chance, the thought of my brain lining swelling up is not something I like to entertain.
At this point, tiredness and the upset stomach I've had all day combined in a devastating chain reaction with thoughts about the possibilities of sinister-schemes-for-population-control-through-immunization.

I had to sit down. The room wasn't spinning, but when the ringing starts in my ears...
This is when the nurses noticed me, and grabbed my arms. (I hate it when they do that. Not the noticing, but the grabbing. If I were collapsing, I would just up and do it already.)
They took me to the front of the line, to the corner of the gym, and had me lie down. It was a very comfy cot. I like comfy cots. They gave me water. I like water, and I was thirsty.
I realized that this was, in fact, a good thing, and started wondering if the same technique would work for lines at customs, student registration, post-offices... The dizziness was gone, though I did have a bit of a headache from staring up into the sodium-vapor lights in the gym.

Then things got interesting.

Out of nowhere, one of the nurses appeared with an anaphylactic response kit, and I had to insist that I didn't need life-saving intervention for anything: "nonono, I don't need adrenaline or benedryl. Really, I'm fine! See, no swelling or spasms or anything! I haven't even had the shot yet!"
This was, apparently, a big disappointment. Four of the six nurses walked away, back to patrolling for other hapless young victims.
The two who stayed were nice; we chatted for a while. Sadly, neither of them were "eligible"--one ring, one a bit on the elderly side. Both very nice, though.

They immunized me, let me sit up after a while, then stand, and when I started asking too many questions and practicing the cha-cha they let me go.

*Sigh.*
Maybe next time.

2 comments:

Naomi said...

That's hilarious! I can tell most of them must be nursing students, just hoping for something exciting! Although I do seem to remember a similar experience at the Canadian Blood Services before a certain blood donation appointment... but I don't remember them pulling out the ana kit.
And just so you know I am quite sure you don't want to marry a nurse unless you can toughen your stomach a little. The stories nurses tell without even thinking would have you lying on a floor with water and forehead sponging every day... then again from this story maybe you like the attention???

RB said...

Wow Dan. Sounds like you had fun with that. I cannot believe you mentioned me :P even though you just played into the stereotype of a 'male ' nurse. Do you call your doctor a male doctor? (just ranting a little there.

Well I must say I'm glad you turned out alright in the end. See you on Saturday barring no serious side effects or new immunizations.