Monday Rant

7/31/2006
moved from old site

Human beings, such as the one I refer to as myself, are frequently in need of a bodily function known as sleep.
We like to perform this function during the off-hours, times when there's really not all that much else that we have to do. Sleep takes priority during these times, because it is something that we have to do.

5:30 in the morning on a Saturday or a Sunday is a very good time to be asleep. If it were impossible to be asleep for both of these mornings, a good sleep until noon on one of them would probably suffice. (This is usually better accomplished on Saturday, as the 10:15 service on Sunday morning needs a bit of preparation time, so you might want to just get up earlier anyway, but that would usually never involve an hour so early as 6:30.)


Someone needs to inform our friends the woodpeckers of the importance of this whole concept of sleeping in the morning on the weekend, because they have repeatedly intruded into my blissful state of subconscious regeneration with their incessant hammering. For both days of my much-needed weekend recovery, I have been assaulted with the jackhammer-battering of a woodpecker's beak on the wall next to my bed and the roof over my head. It's not as if there were actually any insects for them to find, either. The logs of the cabin walls are very thoroughly protected from infestation, and the roofing shingles can't be all that bad.
Even after I stumble out of bed to go shoot these foul brutes full of lead, they scatter and insist on continuing their activity in the trees beside my cabin. There seems to be quite a large number of them, although they don't show up in pictures very well against the dreary skies we've been under lately.
(This bring up an interesting question: what exactly does one call a large group of woodpeckers? The Google tells me that the answer is "A descent of woodpeckers" but that is entirely to innocuous for their actual nature. I propose that we now refer to this group of animals as "A wake-up-call of woodpeckers" or "a bunch of obnoxious, noisy birds.")
This behaviour must be stopped. Immediately.
Thankfully, said woodpeckers were driven into hiding by the blustery weather this morning; we shall see if they are wise enough to remain in hiding...